Song Mountain Editing

Websites are created for a variety of reasons: the majority are marketing tools advertising products or services; some are reference tools imparting information on a wide variety of subjects; some are more personal, more fun, more informal - designed mainly to connect and share experiences with other like-minded people.

Here are texts from two marketing websites. The first text is for a website advertising a new fitness centre. The text is by an Italian writer. The second text is for a Chinese travel website advertising tours to Henan Province. The text is by a Chinese writer. In both sites the tone should be formal and the grammar accurate.

Original Text:

Hotel ******, made renovating an ancient farmstead of the end of ‘700, is located in a little estate of about 8 hectares, in the silence and in the quiet of one of the most beautiful hill around Siena. The compound has got 17 rooms, each one with private bathroom, telephone, satellite tv. Open to guests a wide private park with a large panoramica view point swimming pool and the restaurant with tipical and personalized menu.

With the new management, the hotel proposes a big innovation: the fitness center Body-Mind-Spirit. The Center offers an olistic approach to the wellness of a person, with programs focused on stress releasing, meditation meetings, shiatsu massages, ayurvedic massages, purifying diets, retreats of personal care and a lot more.

Edited Text:

Hotel ******, a renovated farmstead dating from the 8th Century, is built on an eight- hectare estate located on one of the beautiful silent hills around Siena. The compound has 17 rooms, each with an en-suite bathroom, a telephone and satellite TV. Guests have access to a huge private park with panoramic views and a swimming pool. There is an excellent restaurant offering local speciality dishes. Personal dietary requests are catered for.

With the new management, new changes are being made.  A new fitness centre called Body-Mind-Spirit is being built. The centre offers a holistic approach to the wellness of a person, with programs focussing on stress release, meditation, shiatsu and ayurvedic massage, detox diets, personal retreats and much more.

Original text:

Henan Province

Henan is a relatively calm region with a fabulous history. It is home to three ancient capitals: Luoyang, Kaifeng and Anyang. Traveling around Henan is absolutely a magical history tour to explore the profound Buddhist culture of China.

Henan, with numerous sites, witnessed the initial blooming of Buddhism in China; The White Horse Temple at Luoyang is likely the oldest Buddhist Temple in the country. The Longmen caves house a cool series of Buddhist statues, which were carved into cliff walls for over a kilometer along banks of river. Maybe you are not really a martial arts fan, but when you’re in Henan it’s worth it to visit Shaolin Temple, the birthplace of Kung Fu. It’s quite impressive to see groups of kungfu students practicing or walking around everywhere. Moreover, peony has long been the national flower of China and has long figured largely in Chinese painting. Luoyang is the city of peonies, where you can see Peony Flower Festival.

The Shaolin Temple Lying at the foot of the Wuru Peak of the Shaoshi Mountain to the north-west of Dengfeng Country of Henan Province, the world famous Shaolin Temple is favored by nature with circling springs, flourishing forests, competing hills and sights of quietness and elegance. The Shaolin Temple is regarded as the origin of Zen while Dharma was considered the founder of Zen in Chinese Buddhism. The name “Shaolin” is closely related with its location, meaning “Temple in the forest of the Shaoshi mountain”. Tower Forest is where the monks were buried. The one in Shaolin Temple is the biggest in China, 232 all together.

Edited text:

Henan Province

Henan is a relatively stable region with an impressive history. It is home to three ancient capitals: Luoyang, Kaifeng and Anyang — and also to Chinese Buddhism.

Henan has numerous historic sites which were witness to the initial growth of Buddhism in China. The White Horse Temple in Luoyang is probably the oldest Buddhist Temple in the country. The Longmen Caves, located 13 km south of Luoyang, consist of a stunning collection of Buddhist statues, which were carved into cliffs stretching for over a kilometre along the banks of the Yi River.  A not-to-be-missed event during the summer is the Peony Festival. The peony is the national flower of China, figuring in Chinese paintings since ancient times. Luoyang is known as the city of peonies.

Even if you are not a martial arts fan, a visit to the world famous Shaolin Temple, the birthplace of Kung Fu, is worthwhile. It is an impressive sight to watch groups of kung fu students practicing or walking around everywhere.

The temple lies at the foot of Wuru Peak, part of Shaoshi Mountain, to the north-west of Dengfeng. It is surrounded by nature, with springs, rivers and lushly forested hills providing scenes of tranquillity and elegance. The name ‘Shaolin’ is closely related to the location — the name means: ‘the temple in the forest of the Shaoshi Mountain’.  The Shaolin Temple is also regarded as the birthplace of Zen as it is here that the Dharma, considered to be the founder of Zen in Chinese Buddhism, lived. The Pagoda Forest is where the monks were buried. It is considered to be the largest of its kind in China with 232 pagodas.